Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Gag Me With a Spoon!



I've got my bitchypants on this morning.

Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Sunday night, little guy complained of having a sore throat.

Rut row.

He has sensory integration issues, so usually when it gets to the point where he says he's sick, it means he's really really sick.

Number One son woke up Monday morning, and he was ill as well. I called the doctor.

I'm amazed that nowadays in a doctor's office you can get a strep swab and have the results in 15 minutes. Even a short few years ago, we'd have to wait for a couple of days for lab results.

Yes. They have strep. Happy summer vacation!

Our nephew, who is visiting, was fine the last time I checked. I locked him in a closet to keep him away from contagion and have been slipping him peanut butter sandwiches under the door.

Just in case someone from Child Protective Services is reading this---I'm kidding. Really, I am!

So last evening I decided to make comfort food. The guys didn't feel sick enough to require soup, they wanted something more substantial. Chicken wings and macaroni and cheese. Okey doke.

I got the expensive stuff with the creamy sauce. Nothing is too good for my sick guys.

Hubby came in from work and saw me flopped on the couch.


Can I help? Did I ever mention I was married to a fabulous man?

"Would you drain the macaroni and put the sauce together? And pull the wings out of the oven?"

We fed the sick guys first, because frankly, none of us wanted to sit with them and it would be rude to spray disinfectant in their faces while they were eating.

Number One took a bite. And pushed his plate away. There's something wrong with the macaroni and cheese. Did Mom buy that generic stuff again?

Believe it or not, there are macaroni and cheese snobs. He lives in my house. It's Kraft (the Cheesiest!) or nothing.

No, she bought the expensive stuff for once, said Hubby. You're just used to the day-glo kind.

The little guy cleaned his plate, but didn't ask for another helping on the mac, which is amazingly out of character. Usually he'll check the level in the pot over and over to make sure there's enough for seconds. Boy, he must feel terrible!

I went in the kitchen and looked at it. It looked ok.

I got a spoon and tasted it. WTF?

Hubby came in the kitchen.


"Did you taste this?" I asked. "It's revolting! It tastes like feet! It's even...garlicky!"

He looked sheepish.

"Don't tell me. You put GARLIC in the macaroni and cheese? What in the hell is wrong with you?"

He got a little indignant. But I always put garlic in!

Since when? I would have remembered macaroni and feet! And while we're at it---if you're going to screw it up, why not add some salt and pepper to even it out? Why just...garlic?

I thought back. I can't remember the last time Hubby actually made macaroni and cheese. I've seen him obliviously trip over the boys while they were on their knees begging him not to put garlic in their mashed potatoes, but macaroni and cheese?

What kind of person desecrates the sanctity of comfort food?

When I let the nephew out of the closet to eat, he ate the mac and cheese. Even asked for seconds. Raved about it loudly.
A little too loudly, if you get my drift.


Which has led me to a couple of conjectures.

The nephew is eternally grateful to eat something that doesn't have salsa in it (he lives at Grandma's house, and she puts salsa on everything).

Or that really was five bucks I thought I saw hubby slip to the kid when he thought I wasn't looking...and we already know that he'll eat anything for money.

Hope everyone has a happy and healthy day!

29 comments:

Miss Keeks said...

About that nephew of yours eating anything for money... You would have given him five to eat the greenie?? Poor kid--please teach him how to negotiate. (me too while you're at it!)

Attila The Mom said...

I think it's because they've never menstruated.

Never EVER mess with the comfort food! ;-)

Daughter of 2 women said...

Garlic in the macaroni and cheese? Poor children. Child Protective Services should be called for that! (Just joking) I am so sorry about the strep. My boys have been sharing that with each other since January (8 cases between 3 boys). Hope they are better soon.

Big Pissy said...

Garlic in Mac & Cheese?

EWWWWWWW!

Just EWWWWWWWWW!

St Jude said...

At least it will keep the vampires away!!! Or would that be the strep?

Tera said...

ROFL, Attila! Your poor boys!

I just bought one of those $10 pasta makers you put in the microwave (the stove and I don't get along), and we decided to test-drive it with some dairy-free mac and cheese we found at the health food store.

Long story short: it tasted just like hot, spicy cardboard.

34quinn said...

yuck on the mac n' cheese with garlic.
MY boys are mac n' cheese snobs too and even then they wont have it often but when they do it has to be KD.
My oldest is an unbelievable garlic hound I call him as we make garlic mashed potatoes and I literally put 6 cloves of garlic in the water with the potatoes while they cook and the house will reak of garlic and he will say it hardly tastes that garlicy..he would have probably loved the mac n' cheese your hubby made!!!

I do however like the fact that the man actually came in the door and offerered to help!!! I almost fell off my chair when I read that part.

I hope your gang gets over strep really soon it is such a NO fun illness hurts so much to swallow.
Keep an eye on it though it can be one of those sneeky illnesses that can get worse real quick. Be sure to make sure those guys take all the medicine to the very last drop or pill even when they feel all better.

K Dr. Quinn medicine woman is done yammering.

Drop by my place again soon k .bye for now.

michele said...

Garlic in the mac,all it needs
is salt and pepper.I hope he
doesn't add it to ice cream.
Even though i heard up in gilroy
the garlic capital of the world.
They do have garlic ice cream
watch out attila.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Garlic in Mac and Cheese is wrong on so many levels. It is an abomination against man and nature!

Why is it always gag me with a spoon? Can you not gag someone with a fork?

Ruth Dynamite said...

What's the expression...experimentation is the mother of invention? Next thing we'll know Kraft will have a new line of Mac-n-Cheeses. "Yummmm! It's the garlickiest!"

Hope your kids get better soon.

carmachu said...

My daughter is a mac and cheese snob. Excuse me, as she says macaroni and cheese as she's corrected watresses before.

Marymurtz said...

"Macaroni and Feet!" ROR!

Kippa Herring said...

I put all kinds of crap in the KD (or generic variety).
Including garlic.
It works for us.

Give me garlic or give me death.

Kevin Charnas said...

THAT IS AGAINST THE NATURAL LAW!!! GARLIC IN MAC-N-CHEESE??? NNOOOOO!!!!! I'm calling someone about this, I'm calling the Kraft people or the comfort food police or...Martha Fucking Stewart...I don't know who I'm calling, BUT DAMN IT I'M CALLING SOMEBODY!!!

and spraying disinfectant in their faces while they eat? priceless. i laughed out loud. you're a woman after my own black heart.

shirley said...

Wait, is this the same nephew that talks all gangsta style? Maybe it takes a tough gangsta to take the garlic!

Brenda said...

My husband likes garlic on everything. It's good that your sons don't have daddy's taste huh?

happykat said...

Things you might be tempted to put in mac~n~chez but do not belong:

vinegar
ketchup
teriyaki
hair
kitty litter
cookies (I know...cookies go with everything, but not this)
capers
sweet pickles
grape jelly
coffee
peanut butter
brown mustard
ashes
raw egg
GARLIC

Me said...

Hee hee. I put garlic in macaroni and cheese too.
Nobody likes it but hey, that's more for me!
I am with the husband on this!

DutchBitch said...

LMAO! Well, as long as it was worth the 5 bucks... LOL

Sheila said...

You cannot bastardize macaroni and cheese! I do think your hubby sounds like a sweetheart though.

Sven said...

This is for your husband, and your nephew.

Charlie said...

Happykat, I am ashamed of you. No hair or cat litter in the M&C? What the hell kind of cat are you anyway?

I'm reporting you to the union. Meow.

Nikki said...

I was rooting for hubby when he came in and asked if he could help.

I wanted to beat him on the head with my shoe when he put garlic in the M&C.

I guess those to extreme actions cancelled each other out. I'll let him live. LOL

Hope everybody feels better soon.

Kate said...

"macaroni and feet"

LMAO, sounds tasty!

kim said...

some call it bitchy ...i would call it common sense... dont screw with the comfort food

Rhonda said...

Forget garlic not going well with mac 'n cheese. It's garlic with strep throat that leaves me cringing. Owch.

What do you want to sooth your sore throat, dear, garlic, onions, peppers or maybe a dash of wasabi?

Rainman said...

Salt N Pepper always but never garlic. WTF was he thinking?

My wife likes Mystery meat (Hot dogs) cut up and put in the M & C. Gags me to death. I only like home made M & C with Velvetta Cheese.

The comment about the dayglow type killed me. I always thought I was the only one who thought it had a strange color. "No, she bought the expensive stuff for once, said Hubby. You're just used to the day-glo kind."

Weary Hag said...

I can't say much here. I am one of those mac n cheese snobs. I have also bred another one (my daughter). There are two kinds I'll eat, and only two kinds. Kraft (even the original is fine with me) or homemade-baked. That's it.
I once bought another brand that starts with a "P" and ends with an "rince" but I won't say the name so as not to be sued.
This stuff was a color all its own and the texture was a cross between dish-cloth and diaper-smash (you're a mom, you'll know what that is).
Never again.

Oops... sorry for the long comment.

Ma Titwonky said...

You owe me a monitor cleaning. Thanks to you there's coffee dripping down my monitor screen. I got to the macaroni and feet and just couldn't hold it in any more! Lady, you have GOT to be Blog of the Day somewhere! :)