Wednesday, December 21, 2011

'Twas the Week Before Christmas




‘Twas the week before Christmas, and in the Attila house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung on the mantel above,
The guys hope Mom will fill them with love.
(Or better yet, cash)

My offspring were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of I-phones danced in their heads.
Hubby in skivvies and I in my sweats,
Were dreaming of all our holiday debts.

When out of the phone there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
I ran to answer, it was 4 in the morn
Who could it be? It was my first born.

"Are you ok?” I breathlessly said.
"I threw up" he cried, "and I pooped in the bed!”
His voice was filled with such angst and doom;
I convinced him to nix the emergency room.

"It sounds like a bout of the stomach flu.
You will feel better if you follow these rules.
Nothing to eat or drink, just a little water,
and call me later if you start feeling hotter.”

In 24 hours he was a new man,
But then Kitty was puking it up in the can.
We heard on the news of the flu going round
It was another day ‘til she could keep any food down.

The next day my youngest called from his job.
"Mom I’ve got a really big prob.
I’ve been hurling and crapping all morning long,
They won’t send me home and that’s just plain wrong!”

A day after that the kid passed the buck.
Little Guy was awash in a ton of upchuck.
He was so sick; he didn’t fight,
Spent the day in bed sipping broth and flat Sprite.

Two days later I thought we were out of the woods.
Then I woke up and didn’t feel so good.
In fact, I felt sick as a dog;
Was it the flu or the shits from too much egg nog?

Now we’re all better, but stomachs are tender.
If we receive fruit cake, it’s “Return to Sender”.
Christmas dinner is here in our little venue,
So I asked the boys what to leave off the menu.

No eggnog, no pickles, no pumpkin pie,
No bean salad or coleslaw for any one of the guys.
No seafood, corn or even glazed carrots,
And a list of still more; they won’t even dare it.

Christmas dinner in our house will be a bland affair,
But I can serve mashed potatoes with a definite flair.
I wish for the Holidays that your bowels stay tight.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Love from the Attila Family!

12 comments:

Webster said...

I'm th one who says that she never gets the flu, but I think that is just what I had - though it was a baby flu. My brother and SIL came by on Sunday, and he wasn't looking too well. Then he suddenly got up and dashed for the bathroom - and just in time from the sound of it. His wife blamed it on the $1 Chinese Buffet they went to, but she didn't get sick.

Next night, my Tamale Pie wasn't sitting too well. I thought I had eaten too much, but I felt like I had to throw up. I tried, but couldn't, so I went to bed. When I plopped down on the bed - that's all she wrote. Luckily I have a small plastic trash bin next to my bed that is lined with a plastic bag. Perfect for take-out. It took me another day to realize that the reason I could barely walk was that I probably had a fever! Yes - 99.4 which is high for me as mine runs low. Another good night of sleep and I am back to usual - feeling cold as ice (instead of comfortably warm without the fleece.

Oh well, if that was the flu of the season, it's all good. Glad everyone is better. I think by Christmas they will have their appetites back.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I yiyi, that is so not fair, especially at the holidays. I'm praying the flu bug doesn't hit our house.

Hang in there ATM and keep feeling good. Merry Christmas to you and your wonderful family.

xoxoxo jj

Kirby Dunton Carespodi said...

...although, it IS the best way to start a diet! (Of which I am in desperate need!) Get better soon, ATM family!

frigginloon said...

Wishing you and your adorable family a wonderful Christmas. May it be full of joy, laughter and snoring!!!

Rootietoot said...

Only you could make a nasty stomach virus funny.
Here's to feeling better, and mashed potatoes are delicious!

Jeanie said...

Oh my, not a good way to start the season of fun.
I hope that nasty flu you've had is soon on the run.

Bad pun....oh well.

Merry Christmas.

Beth said...

So much for your R & R prior to Christmas…
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and PEACE in the Attila household!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

OH NO!
G was up last night--came home from sick complaining of a tummy ache and sure enough, threw up all night. he's home today and we're hoping it passes through him and out the door!

Formerly known as Frau said...

I want to laugh because it was so humorously written but I'm afraid to get the curse of the flu...yikes! I hope you have a very merry christmas!!

Anonymous said...

that is so sadly hilarious...
glad you are feeling better!

Brenda said...

Oh you poor things! I sure hope everyone is feeling like eating a little more than mashed taters by Christmas day. (((hugs))) Merry Christmas to the Attila family.

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