Monday, December 26, 2011


Well, I actually had a Holiday from Hell story, but I'm trying to be upbeat and positive. LOL

Maybe I'll share it later in the week if any of you have similar stories to tell.

As many of you guys know, I'm adopted and that after a long search and journey, I finally found my birth family about 10 years ago. My birth father didn't want to acknowledge a relationship, which I respect, but I've developed a close, loving and lasting relationship with my birth mother and her side of the family.

Many people who grow up within their intact biological families take their shared traits and experiences in stride as being part of a tribe. Is it nature or nurture? Really can't tell.

Parents who adopted from my generation were told that we were little "blank slates" ready to be imprinted with whatever they could "nurture" into us. "Nature" had no value in the psychology of the 60's.

Fast forward a number of years. Many adoptees and birthparents who've reunited have reported eerie happenings of similarity and parallels in our lives.

We call it synchronicity.

As an example, one adoptee I know moved to Arizona because her husband was transferred in his job. She had never lived there, didn't know anybody, or have any friends there, so she volunteered at a terminal cancer ward in a local hospital to bring books and visit with patients there. They were there for about a year.

A few years later after they had moved away and when she had a successful search, she found that her birth father was one of the terminal patients she was ministering to.

How freaky is that?

So here is my synchronicity story.

My birthmom's birthday is around Christmas, so I always send her two presents together. One is her favorite perfume, the other is totally random.

One year I was looking at designer purses online. Since I can't afford the REALLY expensive shit (Louis Vuitton, Kate Spade, etc), I was looking hard at some lesser designers. One designer I really liked, but I rethought it, because buying somebody a purse is as personal as buying underwear. I passed, and bought her something a little more neutral.

What did she send ME for Xmas? The purse I was loving and thinking of sending to HER!

Another year I sent her a zippy red patent leather tote that I thought she would be stylin' in. Turns out she bought the very same tote for a good friend of hers for Xmas.

The year I was diagnosed with heart failure and lost 100 lbs of water, my skin was really loose and dry. In early December I searched around to find SOMETHING that might help me retain some elasticity and decided to splurge on some Clinique Watertherapy (out of the blue. Normally I buy something cheap like Jergens or Vaseline Intensive Care).

What did she send me for Xmas? A basket of Clinique Watertherapy!

So this year, birth mother made a move farther up the east coast where it gets cold, cold, cold. I sent the same favorite foof, and thought I'd send her something to reflect her new climes. A cashmere scarf and gloves.

What did she send ME?

A fantastically gorgeous scarf and gloves. LOL

We had a huge laugh over it. It was another WTF moment.

I talked to my Mom about it today (my adoptive mom). She was one of the parents that the adoption agency told that "nature" was irrelevant and that I was a little blank slate she could imprint herself on. We had another laugh over it all.

She thought she "broke" me because I ended up so quirky.

Mom's so relieved to know that it's all genetic and not her fault.



From Tracie said...

I think there is a lot of beauty in your synchronicity. And a lot of beauty in the fact that you can laugh about those moments with your birth mother and your adoptive mother.

Ami said...

that's really a fascinating story... I don't know anyone who is adopted although I know a couple birth moms who gave their children up to another family to raise.

And yes, it's lovely that you can laugh with both your moms.

Quirky, huh?

I wonder how I can explain my daughter's quirks. I think I'll just blame her dad.

Jeanie said...

I love your adoptive mom's reaction to your synchronicity stories. It sounds like you have two really great moms.

Heather said...

I love to wrap gifts. Beautiful wrapping paper, ribbons and bows. My mom (adoptive mom) just buys whatever wrapping paper is cheapest. So Christmas gifts will have big dopey santas on it or ugly winter landscapes. Now her new thing is to reuse and reuse ugly Christmas gift bags. It makes me laugh. Well after my birthmom and I reunited I found where my love for wrapping came from. There have been many years we have sent each other gifts wrapped in the same expensive heavy wrapping paper all done up in ribbons and bows. The first year it happened it gave me a lot of comfort. I grew up wondering is there someone out there that looks like me, thinks like me, and in this case has OCD for wrapping presents.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I really likes stories like this--it's not coincidence!

Jennifer Jayhawk said...

What an awesome and fascinating story!

Kim D. said...

Many times, too numerous to count, my mother and I would go shopping, split up, look around by ourselves, meet back up, and would have the very same things in our baskets.

Kim Ayres said...

Happy Christmas, Attila. Sorry you've had one from Hell. We've had a good one, as we often do. Our horror stories, which I can never blog about, almost always happen within a day or 2 of the New Year. I'm trying not to feel a knot in my stomach of anticiaption, but it's tricky...

Meanwhile, I'm glad you've been having a laugh with yout mothers :)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Christmas from Hell!?!?! I'm sorry to hear that. I now you were buys and then slammed with the flu but I was hoping that would be the end of it. Hang in there.

I love this story about both your moms. My godson is adopted and I always get such a kick when I see traces of his adoptive mother in him and I'm blown away when I see tinges of his bio mom in all it's glory.

I'm glad you have such a good relationship with both of these important woman in your life. It makes me smile.

xo jj

Webster said...

Yes to all of the above. I wish I had had two Moms: the one who cared for me when I was little and one who wasn't jealous of me when I grew up.

Chris H said...

What a totally gorgeous story.
My husband was adopted, we found his birth mother and family... but we are not close to them at all.
I am so happy you have such a loving relationship with your birth Mother and your MOM.

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