Monday, May 24, 2010

Bodies in the Bed

I recently read an article that asked, "Is it Smart to Sleep with Your Pets?" The conclusion the author came to seems to be "no".

While I agree with one commenter who stated that the article seemed like a not-so-thinly veiled advertisement for pet beds, I was somewhat surprised (and amused) at how offended about 95% of the commentators were.

Ok, and I admit, I was a little grossed out too.

We're not cat people, so I really don't have an informed opinion about that. We have 4 dogs, and they sleep in their own beds.

This is why:

1) We wash the dogs once a week. We clean their beds once a week. Even so, the amount of dirt and crap they track into the beds is not something I want to be rolling around in.

2) Hair/fur/hitchhikers. On the sheets, on the pillow, in my mouth. No. Absolutely no.

3) True story. A friend I knew in my younger days had this happen to her. While sleeping over at a boyfriend's house, they woke up in the night and decided to get frisky. With her on top. Sometime in the middle of all of it, she felt a cold nose up her crack, and then a long wet tongue.

Bloop!

Apparently boyfriend's Great Dane heard the commotion and innocently wanted to check out the fun and games. Which of course sent my friend screaming off into the night.

...AND HAS SKEEVED THE HECK OUT OF ME FOR ALL TIME!!

I don't want a third party in my bed, much less my room if we decide to be spontaneous. Yeck.

Here are some of the comments from the article and my response:

"Their unconditional love is worth every slobber and paw in the face."

I slobber enough on my own, and Hubby has been known to inadvertently slap me around in his sleep. Any additional "unconditional love" like that and I'll never get a wink in.

"No greater thing than to feel you dog next to you at night, petting her and finding your hubby's hand there as well."

I don't want anything between me and my man when we're finally alone together at night. Except maybe a pillow when he's been eating burritos.

"I'm with you, been sleeping with dogs and cats some 50 years and can't imagine sleeping alone. If a significant other can't deal with that then they are not very significant."

So you're "alone" when you're sleeping with your significant other? Would you feel less lonely if he slept in a squirrel suit or licked his own balls in bed?

"I will ask my husband to sleep in another room, but NOT my dogs or cats for that matter!"

The great Karmac sees a divorce lawyer in your future.

"I have eight cats and seven sleep with me on a queen sized bed."

They don't do it because they love you. They're just waiting for you to die in your sleep so they can eat you.

So my friends, do you furbie or not? Waiting for the rocks to be thrown! LOL

17 comments:

Amy McDonald said...

I moved out on my own in January, from my parents house where my cat and dog who I miss dearly live, but the hardest thing to get used to was the fact that my cat was no longer there to sleep with me. He has cuddled with me every night since I nursed him as a kitten, getting up every 2 hours to care of him. He would cuddle and purr and most wonderfully kneed me, because he thought of me as his mother, which is very near and dear to my heart! I love having my cat cuddle, and while I dearly love my dog too, she is an 85lb lab who thinks she's a lap dog, if she cuddles on the bed its ok but when she jumps on my bladder and causes my lungs to rapidly deflate she is just a big stinky wanna be cat!!!

So cat yes, small dog yes, 85lb lab? Only when I'm awake :)

Glad to see your back, hope you're all doing well!

Amy

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your post just cracked me up!
Lady violet sometimes sleeps on the foot of our bed. Not on us, under the covers or near our heads. That's as close as I want to be to her while I'm sleeping/snoring/slobbering.

Charlie said...

Molly, our 10-pound terrier mix, sleeps at the end of the bed and keeps Martha's cold feet warm (she doesn't give a damn about mine).

Now that she's aging (13+) she can't make the jump onto the bed, so she's adjusted to the floor where the other "usual suspect" sleeps.

I'm pretty sure that's why we have floors: for the critters and Martha after she's eaten onions or garlic.

KWombles said...

Hahaha, your last one on the cats waiting for you to die had me rolling. :-)

One of our five cats sleeps with us.

Rootietoot said...

nope, no dogs or cats in the bed. I fear the slurping tongue.

Beth said...

Once (just once!) when alone in the house in my early twenties I invited my dog to join me in bed – during a raging thunderstorm. I figured there was - if not safety - then comfort in numbers. And that’s it. No more dog hair in the bed for me!

From Tracie said...

We are currently pet free.....but if I did have one it would not be sharing my bed (that whole dog showing up with I am getting spontaneous thing freaks me out!)

Jeanie said...

Our 35 lb. dog starts out at the foot of the bed, but after an hour or so moves to his own bed, which is actually an arm chair in our room. The butt-crack story was a crack-up.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Half way through your post I started it again and read it out loud to my husband to remind him exactly why we will NEVER have dogs or cat-- He's all for pets everywhere in the house, including the bedroom-- That great dane sealed the deal for me. We will now never have pets FOR SURE!

Thanks for the great laugh.

Hope all is well.
jj

amy said...

I have a hubby three times my size, a cat that likes to try to lay on my chin if he DOES come on the bed, and a 60lb dog. No way in hell are they allowed in our bed when we're sleeping in it. The little shits will lay on it when we're not there though, and the hair left behind makes me angry. Sometimes if I am having a nap I'll have the dog in bed with me, but only if hubby's not with me, so it's rare (I worked midnights for a few weeks and the dog would sleep with me during the day, but wouldn't sleep with hubby at night). So as a rule, no.

gayle said...

My cat use to sleep with me and I miss her. She slept at the end of the bed!

Stinkypaw said...

Our cat sleeps with us at times, when it wants, on top of the covers and usually by/between our knees.

Valerie Marie said...

Mrs.Murphy (Maine Coon mix) is the most part of the night hunting in the neighborhood. But when I go to bed, she stays with me, stretched on my legs, on top of the covers. Also if the day was a mess, I feel so calm and happy. She takes the stress away from me. She's my best friend. p.s. I loved the "great Karmac" and the cats waiting her/him to die LOL

TechnoBabe said...

Well, this was interesting that's for sure. Ha. We don't have pets mostly because of hubby's asthma and we want as little stress as possible because of his bipolar disorder. Pets can bring love but sometimes they are pressure to wash and take care of too. I like the comments here too!

frigginloon said...

I am afraid I have no choice but to sleep with my cat. He will nudge, push and scream to get under the sheets. Once there he sleeps with his claws extracts, just in case I dare move. But a dog, nope I draw the line!

ani said...

Making me laugh,,, not sure how you found my blog but thank for the support

Mrs4444 said...

Hilarious.

Well, let me just put it this way...When our cat was ready to put down, I gently said to my son (who was Gus's favorite human), "Honey. I think it's time...Gus..." His reply was, "That's okay. I'm really sick of the cat litter in my bed anyway."

Nuff said, no?