Thursday, May 15, 2008

Have a Crappy Day!

Well not only have we had two days of snow (it's snowing as we speak), but one of our terlets sprung a leak.

Hubby almost had a nervous breakdown since there was no more quiet and contemplative daily doody morning ritual for him. Not with three other poopin' peeps banging on the door squawking, "C'mon Dad, I gotta GOOOOO!" and "Holy crapfoot Batman, did you flush yourself down in there?"

Poor guy had to squinch it all back in, and will prolly be constipated for a week. Was able to get the plumber out by the next day, so everybody else's plumbing is back in working order. whew.

I've read a couple of bathroom-based stories in the news this week, and came upon this amazing picture of a dog crapping out an orange kitty, so I figured it must be kismet! Poop for all!

Deputies in Wisconsin were sent to do a "wellness check" on a 90-year old woman when her sister reported that she hadn't heard from her in months.

An adult woman answered the door, but refused to let them in. She finally relented, and deputies found the decomposing body of the elderly woman on the home's only toilet. She'd been dead for a couple of months.

It's unclear what relationship the other people in the house had with her----there was a man (who goes by the name of "Bishop Bushey"), a woman and two teenagers, but they insisted that the elderly woman was "not really dead" and that they could "pray her back to life". In the meantime, they'd just use a bucket to poop in.

Deputies ordered the woman to remove her children due to the putrid smell of decay that permeated the house. The teens later told authorities, that "Bushey convinced them to be quiet about the body. They say Bushey told them demons were making it appear that Middlesworth was dead, and that if her death was discovered, the children would be sent to public school and be forced to get jobs."

Oh my. Public school and jobs. A fate worse than---well occupying a house with a moldering corpse and having to squat over a bucket. Blech!

A woman with over-inflated entitlement issues is suing the town of Norwalk, Connecticut because her toddler stepped in a pile of dog dookie and it ruined her day. She wants the town to reimburse her for parking, tickets to the Maritime Aquarium and a new pair of shoes.

The town's response? "Poop happens". Good for them.

What is it with people? Crappy things happen on a daily basis, and it doesn't mean that we're entitled to be "compensated" for them. It's called life.

If it was my kid (and I've done this before), I would have carried her to the nearest public restroom, washed the shoes off in the sink (most toddler shoes can be rinsed off or wiped, unless they're Jimmy Choos, and then I'd just say you're an idiot for wasting that kind of money), cleaned up the sink after that and gone on my merry way. And then taught my kid not to walk in sh*t.

If this is all it takes to "ruin her day", then damn, she must be a real treat to live with.



Deb said...

Stepping in poo ruining a day... I don't know about that one. BUt the dead woman on a toilet! That is just freaking insane!

Melissa said...

I am ashamed. Usually those crazy people are from someplace in the deep south, but my own homestate?!? It defies reason!

Snow, though, that's even crappier (more crappy?) than poo.

Traceytreasure said...

Thank you for my daily reality check, laugh,NOT at YOUR toilet problems :(, daily eyebrow exercises and now, today, I can skip breakfast!! Thank you, thank you, ATM. AND, I'm going to watch where I step today!!! :) (And I'll remember not to let anyone rot on the ONLY toilet in the house!!! Okay?) Hugs!

Trudie said...

If it's any consolation - we've had snow gently falling for the last 3-4 days! I live further north than you do, but this time of year we SHOULD be getting warmer weather.
As for poopy stories - I'm looking at one through the window (the dog yard!)

Anonymous said...

ugh. snow? NOW?! boo for you babe! that is so unfortunate! if it makes you feel better, it's been freakin' GROSS here all week-- Rainy and in the low 40s to mid 50s. NOT May like weather!

Chris H said...

One of my most favourite sayings is "shit happens"... and hey at least snow is clean mate!

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
Does snow this late in the Spring bring out the crap in you? LOL. Thanks for relating these hysterical tales. I hope your terlet is repaired ASAP, so you husband doesn’t have to resort to Pile Drivers’ (prune juice with vodka) to unplug his pipes.

Is it unusual for it to snow in the middle of May?

Beth said...

Many is the time I feel blessed to have two bathrooms in this house. (And those times would be when one of the toilets is not functioning due to WHATEVER reason!)
How did (do) people manage with just one toilet?

You should have posted a picture of the snow. Unbelievable.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

Okay, first story? Ewwwwwwwwww!

Second story? Whew! What a lot of trouble to go to over a pile of shit and a parking ticket. *rolls eyes*

Ann(ie) said...

snow???? What???? It's FINALLY sunny here. I'm still in shock, though. But, the way this year has been going we'll probably get hail in an hour.

Enjoy your weekend!!


Lola Magnolia said...

I read that story about the woman dying on the toilet seat. I have a question - how does someone die sitting up and never fall over??

I had a crappy day yesterday with my son getting stitches and all. I guess I have a choice, either sue my town or buy a new handbag today. Hmmm...decisions, decisions.

Queen Goob said...

You forgot about that lady in Kansas who sat on a toilet for so long (two years) that she was physically stuck to the seat. It had to be surgically removed. Let your husband know about THAT lady and tell him to thank his lucky stars!

Traceytreasure said...

I hope you have a great weekend! Thanks for stopping by. I love you, but not in a creepy, stalker kind of way!! LOL!! :)

Rootietoot said...

I bet that woman walked her kid through the poo just so she could make a stink about it.

Angela said...

Oh wow you do find some strange crap

Valerie Marie said...

I have a second toilet, for guests, I use the one in the bathroom...I'll have to check it... Big hugs! Have a nice weekend!!!

Anonymous said...

The dead old lady on the toilet?


Liesl said...

Can I sue the phone company for not making the oral surgeried words come out of my mouth in a clear and concise fashion? It ruined my day yesterday.

mrsb said...

Don't come into my yard if you don't want your day ruined. There are little (okay, he's a 100 lb dog, not so little!) surprise packages sprinkled about waiting to be picked up by unhappy children.

I hope they don't sue!

Stinkypaw said...

I remember my parents had called the police about our neighbour's place smelling REALLY bad and because there was way too many flies. They found her body. She had been dead for a few weeks, during a hot summer... To this day I remember that foul smell...

phlegmfatale said...



It was 98 degrees here yesterday

Jennifer H said...

I knew I could count on you for all the interesting news. :-)

Those people in that house are seriously crazy. Eww.

I'm sorry, but the sidewalks around the Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk don't have special powers that disguise the poo (I've been there many times). So maybe that lady and her child should watch where they walk? I dunno.

Big Pissy said...

People are SO weird!!!!!!!!! :(