Asshat of the Week----2-for-1!

I couldn't decide between these two Asshats, so this week I decided to do a twofer!

Trees messing up your view?

Just hire a crew to come and cut them down!

That's what Lake Tahoe resident Patricia Vincent did. The Asshat hired a professional crew to cut down 3 ponderosa pines---estimated to be 80 to 100 years old---to enhance her scenic view.

Except that it was on someone else's property.

Whose property, you my ask?

Well OUR property. Yours and mine (and well, I guess, theoretically as a taxpayer, hers too). The trees were a part of a special lot of national forest designated by the Forest Service as environmentally sensitive.

She faces up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. And I hope a good public shunning from her neighbors as well.

I think the second Asshat deserves an extra-special Richard Cranium award.

Water board member Xavier Alvarez bragged at a public meeting that he was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor while serving as a Marine, which is the military's highest honor.

I don't know who keeps track of that stuff, but apparently it's a pretty serious offense if you lie about it. Especially if you're an elected official.

Alvarez was later charged with the Stolen Valor Act of 2005 after admitting that he not only didn't win the medal, but had never served at all.

You'd think that after getting caught with his pants down, the doofus would just take his lumps like a big boy.

But no.

His defense?

The Stolen Valor Act "violates" his right to be a lying douchebag. It's a free speech thing, you know.

So in Alvarez's mind, the soldiers who risk life and limb to protect his First Amendment rights are doing it so that he can benefit from the respect and reflected glory by claiming the award if he damn well feels like it.

"...But government prosecutors said in their opposition submitted Wednesday that the First Amendment does not protect deliberate falsehoods."

And I bet there are a few soldiers who'd like a private word with you too, Mr. Alvarez.

As an afterthought, my campus bookstore deserves an honorable mention for some Asshattery as well. I wrote about it over here on Disaboom.

My First Trifecta! A Richard Cranium Asshat Who Ate Stupid for Breakfast!

So many labels, so little space.

Except between the ears of this week's award winner---store employee Chris Melton. Lots and lots of space there. So much space in fact, that stupid has been breeding like rabbits and have gobbled up whatever thinking brains cells this dingleberry might have ever owned.

A Package (liquor) Store in Atlanta, Georgia, has been busted for selling cups of ice with their booze through their drive-thru window.

State regulations show it's a violation of law for these types of stores to sell anything but bags of ice. The store owner said he didn't know it was a violation and the Georgia Union of Booze Distributors has tried to reinterpret the law to claim that cups of ice sold with a lid through a drive-thru should constitute a "closed container".

Thankfully, the powers that be are stepping up and enforcing the law.

The soundbites from f*ckwitted store employee Chris Melton are one part amusing and two parts frustrating. He insists that it is an American right for people to buy liquor and a cup of ice to drink on their way home.

Where did he get his civics lessons?

“These cats, they have a hard day at work, they come to the liquor store, buy a cup of ice…most people. I’m not saying all of them. Before they get home, they’re gonna drink and drive,” said Melton.

“It’s the American way.”

“They’re going to do it the American way and have a drink while they’re driving,” said Melton.

Does this Asshat actually manage to find his own heinie in the morning or does he need a map?

This Month's Richard Cranium Award Winner

And the award goes to.....

Defense attorney Thomas Egan!

Egan is defending former special education teacher Kathleen Garrett. Garrett was arrested on charges in November 2004 for abusing the children with autism who were in her care.

According to her arrest affidavit, Garrett, who taught at South Seminole Middle School, "intentionally and repeatedly threatened, battered and tortured these victims in front of their peers."

Among the charges? Garrett allegedly slammed a boy's head so hard on his desk that he chipped two front teeth.

She allegedly pushed another child's face in his own vomit as a punishment.

Witness reports says that she allegedly took children into the bathroom, closed the door and screams could be heard from inside.

Early reports allegedly claim that she broke a child's fingers, but I've been unable to find anything further on that.

...Not to mention the alleged porn on the special-ed class computers. The 6-foot 300-pound Garrett had pictures of herself partially clothed on her own bondage website. Teacher's aides claim to have made complaints two years earlier, and no action was taken.

At least two parents have claimed to have written letters of complaint, but none are in her file. Four teacher's aides claim to have reported abuse to administrators but no action was taken. Two were persistent and assisted police with their investigation.

And here's an ugly fact: "Under Florida law, public school employees don't have to disclose abuse by fellow employees, even though they have to report abuse by anyone else."

An investigation that concluded in June of 2005 found that 6 current and former employees of the school district---2 principals, 2 assistant principals and 2 aides were aware of the abuse and didn't report it to authorities.

I'm not going to grace the evilness that is Kathleen Garrett with one of my weekly Asshats. I believe she has a special spot in Hades waiting for her where she'll get a flaming red hot poker stuck up her ample po-po with satisfying regularity.

Nobody messes with God's kids. You can't run. You can't hide. In the end, it will come back to you. If her Karma plays out, she'll come back as a dung beetle in her next incarnation.

And I'm not awarding the Richard Cranium Award to her attorney simply because he is representing her. We are a country of laws and everyone is entitled to a defense.

What makes Thomas Egan so reprehensible are the reasons why he made a successful motion to have 5 teenagers with severe autism testify against their former teacher.

I don't actually have a problem with the kids' testifying---I think that as citizens they should be able to have their day in court by whatever means necessary.

It's Egan's reasons that have my panties in a bunch:

He said it was vital to have the jurors see the children Garrett had to supervise.

"One of these kids actually eats his feces," Egan said. "I think the world will see volumes when they see these children."

So f*cking what, Dickhead? Does that mean these children deserve to be tortured?

Garrett was employed as a SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER! She was entrusted with the care of and paid to take care of children who had extraordinary needs!

If she wasn't up to the job, she should have gotten out of the goldarn freaking career and worked as a bouncer at a leather bar or something!

Children who have disabilities are entitled to a free and appropriate education in this country, as is every other citizen. We (the parents) pay taxes too.

The fact that our children have issues (some unpleasant), doesn't justify abuse by those who are charged with educating them, no matter what Thomas Egan implies.

Personally, I think he should be force-fed a bucket of corn and then be force-fed a big steaming bowl of his OWN feces. I'd step up to volunteer for duty.

Here is a link to the latest article. If you scroll down the page, you'll find links to the whole case from the beginning.

Autistic Students Must Testify In Abuse Case Against Teacher