Saturday, January 10, 2009


I know I've had a bug up my behind lately about the AOL Welcome Screen headline writers (who I've come to think of as TLPWSFB---The League of People with Sh*t for Brains, courtesy of my old blogfriend Ma Titwonky).

For some reason, my inner editor just howls when I see what they post in order to lure the reader into clicking on the link (which usually takes you to a slow-loading 30-page pop-up montage where you have to click "next" to read each paragraph). When I read something particularly inane, I refuse to click on it---well most of the time---but it's as bothersome as a rotten tooth and rattles around in my noggin all day.

Here are some that have been noteworthy lately:

Big Man Loses it During Game

Loses what? His mind? His lunch? His bus pass? His virginity? And what does being "Big" have to do with it?

Cheap Way to Hydrate Face

Hello? Tapwater?

Keep the Juices Flowing;
How Parents of 17 Keep the Spark Alive

First of all, ewwww! Secondly, in my opinion, the last thing they need to worry about is keeping the spark alive. Somebody needs to buy them a freaking fire extinguisher and tell them to call it a night.

Are Breastfeeding Pics "Obscene"?

Well that depends. If the picture of the person being breast-fed is an infant, then I'd have to say no. If it was a picture of Larry, his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl, then I'd go with "probably".

What Turns Men Off

Since they don't actually have an on-and-off switch, I imagine a cattle prod might be rather effective.

5 Ways to Become Truly Sexy

Do we really have to go there? Obviously farting in his face isn't on the top of the list.

Everyone Wants Angelina's Lips

What would they do with her lips if they got them? Pin them to a corkboard with the rest of the butterfly collection?


Hope you all have a great weekend!


Stinkypaw said...

Love this "TLPSFB", that's one mighty big leage!

Brenda said...

Would that be the same parents of 17 who just had the 18th? Holy shit but they need dry ice or something in that extinguisher!

Rachel said...

OMG! I'm still LOL about your pants falling down on New Year's Eve!

Ellen said...

Like I said, they need YOU writing for them!

Charlie said...

You know you love it because it gives you plenty of snark fodder.

And I'm with Rachel.

Heather said...

If I had Angelina's lips I'd pin them to the board where I keep Michael Jackson's nose and Pamela Anderson's nose, cheeks, and lips.

Big Pissy said...

yep, that's gonna be a mighty big league. LOL

She said...

You are freakin' hilarious!

Koolio said...

Thank you for those hysterical headlines followed by very appropriate responses!

With regards to Angelina's lips, I have a young 40-something friend whose husband is a plastic surgeon. With that in mind, I'm sure you can imagine that she's had some work done, one of which is her lips. I believe she was going for the Angelina look but it just looks like she had an allergic reaction to a bee sting instead.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I wonder what headline writers make these days...what passes for "news" blows my mind.

Queen Goob said...

Best laugh of the day so far.....Lary Daryl and Daryl....EWWWWW!

Oh, and Heather forgot Pamela's boobs.

Jan said...

Thanks for the laughs! You made my day! BTW, I gave up on AOL a long time ago.

mia said...

I love reading your blog. The New Years Eve story was hilarious. You always brighten my day no matter how dismal I feel before hand. Thank You!