Thursday, January 22, 2009

Melancholy Baby

We've spent this week prepping for and finally going to court yesterday on Big Kid's disability hearing. He was so nervous and scared that he burst into tears. My poor baby boy.

It was so very very hard to testify about why we had to make him move out and about his rage attacks when he's manic. Basically I had to say on the record what an unbelievable sh*thead he can be. It hurt him. It hurt me. We've tried to accentuate the positive all of Big Kid's life and to help him have good self-esteem. And to let him know---even at his worst---that we will always love him very much.

There's only so many times that someone can spit in your face and scream that you're a "f*cking c*nt" before it starts killing something inside you, I told the judge. I know it's his illness, but it has devastated our entire family.

Then I cried too.

He seemed sympathetic, and we have the medical affidavits from the doctors and therapist who have treated Big Kid for years. Plus an affirmative affidavit from their OWN expert. How a pencil pusher who has never met him could take a statement he made to his therapist over a year ago out of context to deny his original petition (his therapist asked Big Kid what he saw himself doing in 5 years, and the kid flippantly replied, "Laying on my mom's couch and playing video games" because he didn't want to discuss it) is baffling to me.

He's trying to live in his own place and is taking college courses. The point is that he is trying to make a life for himself. Unfortunately his health insurance will run out in a year, and if that happens, who knows what we'll do.

Keep your fingers crossed, would you?

xoxo

ATM

28 comments:

Pete said...

fingers crossed for you

Brenda said...

Crossed fingers and toes here. It makes me SO mad to see so many lazy bums in our area bilking the gov for disability when there are those who truly are disabled who have to go through what your son must to possibly be accepted.

Trish said...

crossing fingers and wishing you luck!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

positive thoughts your way and lets hope the system works for a change.

She said...

Oh, Sweetie, that had to be TOUGH!

Sending hugs and prayers and crossed fingers!

Love.

Beth said...

I can't imagine having to do what you just did. So very, very hard.
My fingers are crossed.

BaLQiz said...

sending prayers all the way from malaysia to you and your family. g'luck

Clippy Mat said...

wow. after having to endure that pressure in court and then this...
hope you're feeling a bit better now.
keep smiling
:-)

Traceytreasure said...

Fingers are crossed!!

Sending you all big hugs!!

Stinkypaw said...

Fingers and toes are crossed and sending you all good thoughts. I'll be thinking of you guys.

Cheryl said...

I wish it wasn't so difficult to get what he clearly deserves and needs. I'm so sorry you both had to go through that. I will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you both.
Sending love and more love.
XXXXXXXX

carmachu said...

Good luck!

Sorry to hear how difficult court was. Hang in there.

Heather said...

Fingers crossed for all of you.

XXXXXXX

Kippa said...

That's hard, hard, hard. SO hard.
Of course, fingers crossed.
Tightly.

Kim Ayres said...

Crossed fingers and ((hugs))

phlegmfatale said...

I'm sorry you ever experienced that, let alone had to recount it in court. Bless you.

Krishanna said...

Oh Shit, Woman. Just big hugs, bright blessings and the courage to be easy on yourself, Attie. You're a terrific mom.

Ellen said...

I hope things work out. It's hard to imagine what you went through in court, but I was thinking of how when Max was really young and we'd apply for any sort of program, I had to mention all of his challenges, down to "He drools a lot and someone has to be around to wipe his face" and "He can't feed himself and he can choke even on soft foods." It was painful every time.

Ellen said...

I hope things work out. It's hard to imagine what you went through in court, but I was thinking of how when Max was really young and we'd apply for any sort of program, I had to mention all of his challenges, down to "He drools a lot and someone has to be around to wipe his face" and "He can't feed himself and he can choke even on soft foods." It was painful every time.

Heather said...

I can't imagine what it must be like, but I have tons of respect for the strength and dignity you manage to find and share.

Every appendage that I can...oomph... cross are crossed for you, and I'm thinking positive thoughts!

Grim Reality Girl said...

Your strength continues to amaze and inspire me. The more I learn about going to court the more I fear it... best of luck to you!!!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Fingers crossed. Hands folded. Eyes lifted up.

XO

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Prayers going upward--for common sense and decency from the court & insurance company and for peace all around.

Koolio said...

I had no idea that him moving out was something you made him do. I just thought it was something you wanted him to do so that he would start taking control of his own life.

My heart goes out to all of you. I can only imagine how physically and emotionally exhausting this much be for everyone.

Rootietoot said...

Best wishes for everyone involved, and prayers for wisdom on the part of the judge.

Angela said...

Do hope all gets worked out.

That is the problem with insurance

Casdok said...

Oh how incredibly hard for you all. Fingers and toes crossed.

Valerie Marie said...

Oh! Dear ATM! I feel so bad for you: you -all of you- must be exhausted. I send prayers for you (that the judge will take the right decision) and good thoughts all the way from Germany to you and your family. xoxo ((ATM+family))