Saturday, August 18, 2007

It Must Be Global Warning

We're having a conundrum of pantsy proportions.

Is there someone I can write to complain to?

When my good friend Beth blogged about a problem she was having with GMAC, she got some satisfaction.

Apparently, GMAC has people who just sit at computers and Google "GMAC" to see who's talking about them. I have to say, it's a great customer service idea.

Beth complained about a bass-ackward situation she was having, and somebody from the company responded in her comments section, and gave her some contact information. Wow!

Ultimately, she got the problem resolved. Way to go, GMAC!!

My adorable Hubby is a big man. I think he is practically perfect in every way, except for his fugly feet, which are evil and scare the crap out of me.

He's not obese by any means---not even on the insurance tables. He's 6'4 and has a large frame. I'm 5'11 and built like a line-backer (huge hands, huge shoulders), so any guy who makes me feel like a petite flower is practically perfect in my book!

At least Hubby can cover his feet up with shoes. Did I say that they were really fugly and evil?

Hubby is also very loyal to brands that have served him well.

Which brings me to my point.

Since we've been together (about 15 years) Hubby has always worn DOCKERS pants. His weight has fluctuated a bit over the years, so he's always worn between a 42 x 32 and a 40 x 32.

Don't sneer. With his bone structure, when at 40 x 32, he's practically svelte.

I'd do him.

Oh hell, I know that doesn't count. I'd do him no matter what, because to me, he's just the sexiest thing that walks on the planet next to Colin Firth. And Colin Firth is shorter than me, which is on my no-no list.

Plus Colin Firth probably wouldn't be interested in doing me anyway, but I like to think I'd reject him first because he's short so I'd be the one deciding.

Yes, yes, I know. Girl logic. And I'm digressing again.

Last spring, I noticed that some of Hubby's DOCKERS (I'm capitalizing to try attract some corporate attention here) were getting a little worn around the edges. He'd been dieting, and although his 42's were a bit loose, the 40's he had stored away were a bit tight.


He wouldn't be able to wear them for golfing, when he has to do all kinds of bendy stuff like hunting for his balls in the weeds (really it's his golfing---I didn't tear them off and toss them there).

Although he owns his own company, and every day is Casual Friday, I pointed out the worn out pantsy thing, and he asked me to order some new pairs for him. It was approaching summertime, and more beer and barbeque is consumed, so he didn't feel comfortable with ordering a less than 42 size.

I ordered a couple of pairs from Bealls of Florida, which arrived right after he had left to go back east to spend time with his Mom. I put the box on his side of the bedroom, he came back, life got in the way, and then 2 days after the 30-day return period, he took out a pair and tried them on.

They tore in the crotch. Not at the seam, but right through the fabric.

You know, women are usually more adept at that. If we have to wedge our heinies in a pair of pants with a shoehorn, we're confident the fabric can take it---and the pants are usually made of denim or some sort of steel alloy. If we get resistance at the hips (depending on the fabric), we either abandon ship or grease up our thighs with Crisco and lay down on the floor to stuff ourselves in.

It also helps to have a friend to hoist us up from the prone position, or else we'd remain on the floor wallowing like a walrus out of the water.

Guys just seem to have some inner confidence that says, "It's my size, so it must fit", and yank them up, no matter what the obstruction. Like hips.

Hubby was suspicious. "Did you buy these from some Internet Hucksters who sell fakes?"

Oh fer pete's sakes. They're not Coach handbags or Rolexes. The tag on the inside doesn't say "DUCKERS".

I had Little Guy try on the second pair. He wears a 38 x 32 in Levi's and other standard brands and they fit perfectly.

Hmmmm.

I bought another couple of pairs of DOCKERS, this time from Kohl's.

Same thing. Although they are Hubby's size (and DOCKERS aren't really exclusively the ONLY kind of pants he wears---he's got some Ralph Lauren and Columbia Sportswear golf pants in the same size), they fit Little Guy, who is 3-4 sizes smaller.

So what's up with that? It's not like Hubby woke up with a bigger, rounder butt. Is it aging? Gravity? Old people ass redistribution?

For all this time, was DOCKERS pandering to the big fat oblivious guy by deliberately sizing the pants to make them feel smaller (oh, the horror!), and suddenly got a "truth in advertising conscience" or what?

Who in the world would I call about that? What would I say?


My hubby's ass is too big for his pants?

It's a conspiracy! Where's Oliver Stone when you need him?

21 comments:

Christi said...

You have the Peach Butt! I used to laugh every time we'd drive by that when I was a kid. Heck, I still do.

Mr. C has the same issue, and I KNOW it's not because he gained weight, because other 36's fit him just fine. I think the DH is going to have to find another brand he loves as much as Dockers.

Rootietoot said...

I'm thinking Dockers doesn't WANT people your hubby's size wearing their pants. My husband wears a 42x36, and let me tell you Dockers look like ultra-lo rise hipsters on him. His crack shows in them.

ally said...

corporations are searching for their names online. when i had the issue with Dell and blogged about the lack of service (tried calling them) and lo and behold, a CSR read my blog entry and left a comment and wanted to assist me.

my brother wears Dockers and it's weird, but there are various fits of Dockers. not sure why. different models?

Allknowingjen said...

This isn't much help- but I've come across the same problem with Dockers for women. Sometimes my size fits, sometimes it doesn't (and trust me, my ass is consistent!) I don't even try to buy them anymore...

I'm betting it's a style or a cut issue or something. Do you have an CS # for the company? I'd at least call and ask/complain- it might not get your DH pants that fit, but you might get some kind of discount or coupons or something for your feedback.

Samantha said...

Chubbs had the exact same problem with a shop over there. Before he went away, we bought a white tshirt for him and a pair of jeans. The tshirt turned RED on the first was and the jeans split from fly to thigh. I was fuming. And the people in the shop would only givecredit.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Attila,
Maybe your husband’s Docker’s not fitting properly doesn’t have anything to do with his body changing; it could very well be the pants. Several years ago I purchased a Dirt Devil® vacuum cleaner from Target; after about a month it began spewing smoke, making weird noises and then quit working. I purchased another one from Ace Hardware and the same thing happened within a couple of months. I finally went into a store that specializes in vacuums to inquire why the Dirt Devil’s weren’t holding up. I was told the company manufactures an inferior quality product for distribution to the “Big Box” stores, which explains why the prices are usually less. Perhaps Docker is doing the same thing when they distribute clothes to Kohl’s or Bealls of Florida. That sounds better than a “spreading ass”….

phlegmfatale said...

Maybe Michael Moore will finally do something useful and film a documentary on Docker's practice of skimping on fabric. It totally sucks when a formerly good brand trifles with a perfect product. Alas.

Heather said...

I have to agree with phlegm.

It always happens to the good brands.

:]

carmachu said...

Happens. Brands of pants I use to wear changed sizes without warning...new hip styles or whatever. Such a shame.

amy said...

It's not just DOCKERS, it's all clothes, across the board.

I haven't changed size in four years, yet suddenly I am wearing Larges?!?!?! I'm 5'11" and 115 lbs. What the BLEEP.

Brenda said...

I reckon it's time to get out the tape measure and do the deed. I think each darn factory has their own special size chart these days.

Brenda said...

P.S. I'm going to use your idea to grip about my satellite internet service, didn't do one iota of good to call customer service and talk to "Adam with the heavy accent who knew nothing".

Myron said...

I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one with stumpy lil ol legs that are too short for the rest of me. 6'2" with a 30" inseam. If my legs matched my body I'd be seventyleven feet tall. As far as the Dockers, I used to wear them. When I worked for a living. Never had a problem . 'Course that was 15+ years ago. Now it's Wallymart shorts or jeans. Don't give a shit where I'm going.

kim said...

Its a freakin conspiracy by the clothing and diet industry!! I say Boycott them all and talk crap about them ...
hey it worked in the 70's it could happen again :)

Beth said...

Best of luck re: a response from Dockers. I figured it was worth a try with GMAC and lucked out.
Let us know if they contact you.

Dorky Dad said...

This is exactly why I don't wear Dockers.

Actually, I don't wear Dockers because they just give me the creeps. But according to Dave Barry, Dockers is for "the big-butted man."

Is that a giant ass on a stick? Or is it a peach?

Annie Drogynous said...

Unfortunately, I think it comes down to everyone, including clothing manufacturers, out-sourcing their materials and sewing to third-world countries and the materials especially just aren't what they used to be.

I had a similar situation recently with trying to find my daughter a pair of slippers. For the most part, kids, furry, warm slippers aren't sold until the colder months so finding her a pair online was a pain in the arse! And then finding a company who not once but twice sent her the wrong size was annoying as hell!

Rootietoot said...

Blame it all on NAFTA and the textile industry going overseas. Hubby's in the industry, and when manufacturing goes to the middle and far east, quality goes down, because the product turn-around time goes from a week here in the states to 6-12 weeks from Pakistan or Sri Lanka, and quality control just says to heck with it, and passes the goods because the company can't afford another 12 week lag in getting the clothes to the store.

Ruth Dynamite said...

It probably has something to do with the lead paint in the fabric.

TOM said...

I have a bunch of old Dockers but they are just too tight...I think they shrunk..Funny, I just wrote about being at Kohl's with mom the other day...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I think the problem is a lack of quality control.

If they were made in China, maybe they'll be recalled with the other superhero products.