Sunday, November 21, 2010

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye


I'm sorry I've been silent this past week, but I just haven't been able to muster the energy to post anything.

My little dog Molly---the one I named my blog address after---is dying, and I'm just heartbroken.

Last summer she started limping. She was getting arthritis in her back legs and spine. It's not really common in Yorkies---but is something that many wiener dogs get as they age. The vet prescribed a round of steroids and they fixed her up just fine for awhile. We had to taper them off to every other day because she has an enlarged heart.


During the last month or so, she stopped eating every other day, corresponding to the times we gave her steroids (they make you hungry). We tried everything---different kinds of canned food with caloric supplements, etc, but she turned her nose up at everything. We started hand-feeding her chicken and turkey a few times a day on the off days---but that only lasted awhile. She completely gave up dog food, and only let us hand feed her sporadically.

A couple of weeks ago we noticed that she had gone completely silent. Always a very verbal dog (whining, yapping, brrrring), it was very disturbing, to say the least. She was still running around--albeit very stiffly--and getting in the middle of everything, but not a peep out of her.

Last week I noticed that her right hind leg wasn't holding her weight and curving underneath her body. She was still getting around, but falling down once in awhile. She didn't seem to be in any pain, and was still eating, so I made a vet appointment, but couldn't get her in for a week.

Hubby was out of town last week for a few days. Molly stopped eating, although she was drinking some water. I tried to hand-feed her---first bits of chicken and turkey, and finally macaroni and cheese. Her tongue kept frantically licking it, and I realized that she couldn't open her mouth. I called the vet and they were able to see her on an emergency basis.


Bottom line---not only has the arthritis progressed rapidly in her spine and back legs, but her right hip won't stay in its socket. She seems to have neurological problems---her reflexes weren't working. I guess on the plus side---she's not feeling any pain because of those neurological problems. The vet thoroughly manipulated that hip and not a flinch or a peep out of her. She just lay passively, unable to get up.

I sobbed through the entire visit, because I knew what the vet would say. With all of the issues, she recommended euthanasia.

I begged the vet to tell me I could take her home, since she wasn't in any pain, just until Hubby could get home and be there. He would be devastated if he couldn't say goodbye, and I needed him to be with me when we put her to sleep. She told me that she didn't think Molly would make it through another couple of days, but doubled her steroid dose and gave me some pain medication with vitamins.

Right after I brought her home, I called Hubby on his cell and left him a message. Don't call me on the road, call me when you make a stop. Of course he called me right away and demanded that I tell him everything. He cried like a baby (gotta love a tender man).

About 10 minutes after I got off the phone, Molly came out of her carrier and started running around. No kidding. She went in the kitchen and pushed her bowl around, like "Hey! Where in the hell is my dinner?"

She still couldn't manipulate her jaw, so my good friend who's staying with us and I were able to feed her baby food with a syringe. Molly just ate it up. And after the double dose of steroids and the pain meds, she's been making her rounds through the house with hardly a hitch in her giddyup, although she's been running into walls and stuff head-first.

Hubby made it home in time. Molly's been somewhat peppy, interacting with the other dogs and us. We've been feeding her every three hours around the clock. It's hard to contemplate putting her down when she seems to have rallied a bit.

She definitely has neurological issues, and this isn't a cure. We don't want her to suffer. So in the next couple of days, we're going to take her to the vet and put her to sleep. My little puppy.

This morning at about 3am, I was holding her in my arms and telling her how much I loved her and how I was going to miss her. She turned her little face to me and gave me one single yap. Later in the day when Big Kid and Kitty came for Sunday dinner, the kid was holding her and she did the same thing with him.

You brought so much joy to my life, Little Girl. Gonna miss you something fierce.

34 comments:

Queen-Size funny bone said...

This breaks my heart. I was faced with the same situation with two of my cats in the last yearor so and it is amazing how much love we have for our animals. I now have two chihuahua,s that I can't imagine living without. My heart goes out to the pup and your family.

Jeanie said...

I'm so sorry that you are having to say goodbye to Molly. I know what a heartbreaking time it is for you. I am glad you are having some time for her to say her sweet goodbyes.

Dan said...

My condolences. Nothing hurts like saying goodbye to an old friend - even if you know it is for the best.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh ATM, I am so sorry-- My heart is breaking for you.
Sending big hugs and love. xoxoxoxoxo jj

Chris H said...

Those two little yaps are her saying 'Goodbye' I reckon! She is such a cute wee dog... My heart goes out to you.

Webster said...

I'm sending good thoughts to help ease your pain. I understand completely as I've been there. It's nice that the vet was understanding enough to give her the drugs she needed so she would seem like her "healthy self" for a few days for you and your family. I'm sorry that you're going through this tough time.

Sarah said...

Cyber HUG

People who don't have pets, just dont understand the connection. May those memories of Molly continue to warm your heart and bring you peace.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I am SO sorry. How tough to say goodbye to your pal. Hugs to you.

Louisiana Belle said...

This is so incredibly sad. We've had to do the same for our beloved pets; sometimes without warning. Peace and love to you and yours.

Rootietoot said...

Ah I'm so sorry. I am glad you had some time with her saying goodbye.

Katie :o) said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your little one! And so glad that you have this time for her to rally so that you all can have time to say goodbye. I'm thinking of you!

Warner (aka ntsc) said...

I am so sorry, but at least she got to say good bye in person.

Kikilia said...

I am so sorry. Sounds like Molly brought a lot of joy to your life.

It's always hard to make the decision to put a cherised pet down, but just as I wouldn't want to suffer- I never wanted my pet to suffer.

Know that she'll be yapping again at you someday (if you believe in that). And be at peace knowing that she will be out of pain and suffering.

Kim Ayres said...

((hugs))

KL said...

BIG HUGS

I love that girl so much! She is a definite trooper and will be missed!!

digibirder said...

So sorry to hear this news. (((hugs)))

KWombles said...

So very sorry. ((()))

Stinkypaw said...

She's been saying her goodbye... as hard as it is (and trust me, I do know, (it's been 4 years since I put down my little pooch, and I tear up when I think of her), it might be time to let her go...

Sending you good thoughts *hugs*

Selma said...

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. To say goodbye to a beloved pet is one of the hardest things in the world. Sending you much love.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry too. How very sad and difficult. We are all sending you love and hugs in the hopes that, somehow, it helps even a wee bit.

Pat said...

You know it is the right decision - heart breaking though it is. Having lost two beloved dogs I send you deep commiserations. You will always have the memories.

TechnoBabe said...

My heart goes out to you. I know this is very difficult.

karatemom said...

big tears flowing and sending big hugs...never ever easy...we love them so much and they give all their love to us so unconditionally. She knows how much she is loved and she knows she has had the best family ever.
She will forever be in your heart and never forgotten.
sending my deepest condolences at this very difficult time.

Mary said...

It's the hardest thing in the world. She has had a wonderful life with you but that doesn't make any of this any easier.

I'm so sorry.

Catie Scarlette said...

I was attracted to your blog by the photos I saw somewhere else - such personality! I am sad to say that I have no words of comfort. Only know that many of us are crying for you right now. She will be with you always, in your heart.

Kim Radatz said...

These moments in life are hard and they suck.

May happy memories land gently upon your hearts and bring joy soon.

Angie's Lil' Nothings said...

I am so sorry. We had to make the same decision this summer with our 15 y/o beagle. She had kidney failure. I am just so sorry. *HUGS*

Jennifer Jayhawk said...

I love the first picture of your pup. We had to put our sheltie down a few months ago. It is awful! They truly are family members.

I'm so sorry.

Suzanne said...

I know I haven't been around for a long, long time. Coming back for this matters very much. My heart goes out to you.

Star said...

I am so very sorry. I don't know how you managed to write that post.

Joe said...

I have empathy for your position. We had to put Joe Joe down two years ago and I got all teared up about it. Chico came along and healed our hearts. Thinking good thoughts for you.

debra said...

Gee, don't know how I missed this, ATM. I am so sorry ♡

Pete said...

((((((Atilla)))))))

so sorryy

YM said...

It's so hard to give them up, and it's a horrible decision to have to make. My heart aches for you as I remember having to go through it with my own little companion of 18 years. I'm so sorry for your loss.