Sunday, May 30, 2010

Guilty Pleasures

Ok, I have to admit it. The Real Housewives are my guilty pleasure. If you don't partake, run away now! This will bore the mold off of you!

I got hooked after the Big Kid was sick and I couldn't bear to watch any show (hospital, drama, etc) where peeps were dying.

There's nothing like watching spoiled society women roll around in the dirt like the rest of us philistines. My hubby won't watch it willingly, so when the new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey started up, I got my buddy KL hooked as well (gotta have SOMEBODY to dish it with!)

This is my take so far this season...

Danielle (or Helen, or Nancy, or whatever her real name is)

If you looked up the definition of narcissist, this woman's picture should pop up first on Google. Every person in her life is a planet revolving around herself as the sun. Every event in the world is designed to have some sort of impact on her whether it be good, bad or ugly. She whines about the state of her finances, but is "too pretty to work".

Her gorgeous 15-year-old daughter makes the cover of a fashion magazine, so she holds a celebratory luncheon to congratulate herself. WTF?

Her only redeeming quality is that she's managed to parent two smart, seemingly stable daughters. Too bad they have to take care of her mentally and emotionally, because she is a nucking futjob.


Self-styled matriarch of the group, she talks mainly in pronouncements. "Me and my family are as thick as thieves". "If you hurt my family, I'm going to come after you."

Seriously, she's Uncle Junior Soprano with boobs.

Impressed with her prospective son-in-law Vito. He must really love their daughter to go around their backyard in formal wear and pick up dog poop.


This chickie annoys me. She has weird eyeballs, and we all know I have a phobia about eyeballs. Cute but stupid. Not a pretty person on the inside. Second only to Fran Drescher in the screechy "I'm gonna poke a pencil in my ear if you don't STFU" department.

But I have to give her some props. She goes into labor, wakes her husband up to take her to the hospital, and then MAKES FRENCH TOAST for her daughters while endlessly waiting for him to get off his hairy coffee-drinking ass. If it was me, the coffee and french toast would be spurting out of the stump that used to hold his head and I'd be driving my own bad self to the hospital.

And she is obsessed with vaginas. Hers and everybody else's. On one hand she calls Danielle a "prostitution whore" who must have a vagina as "big as the Lincoln tunnel", and on the other she brags (?) that her husband "has to have it at least once a day" even though she's about to pop out their fourth kid any millisecond.

Somebody should tell this doofus that if 100 cars travel a road, or one car travels it 100 times, the wear and tear is all THE SAME TO THE ROAD. Your "tunnel" may be quite a bit more high mileage than Danielle's, Sweetie.


I can't really criticize her too much because it would be like kicking a puppy. Sweet woman who gets bossed around a lot by her in-laws. Hubby seems to be a good guy with a smart head on his shoulders. She should let him deal with her spoiled, self-indulgent, self-entitled daughter for a change and go get a pedicure.


I think Dina is going to be the wild-card this season. I didn't like her last year, but I think her decision not to have her husband or child(ren) participate this year is an admirable one. She's very zen right now, but I'm wondering how many episodes it will take for her to go bat-shiat.

Dina's an interior designer who seems to specialize in Mafia Bordello. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I kinda like it.

So how many of YOU are watching this season?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

This and That

Heard around the house:

Little Guy: Mom, you're my favorite EVER!

Your favorite what?

Little Guy: My favorite Mom!

But I'm your only mom.

Little Guy: Well then you're still my favorite!

The Aspiring Adult: Mam (He's not quite up to calling me mom, but he doesn't want to call me Aunt Atiila)? Me and Dom (his best friend) have decided to do what we call "Manly Mondays".

Manly Mondays?

TAA: Yeah, we're going to do manly things like wash our cars and then go over to Wild Wings and eat chicken wings and check out the chicks (they have a really rude rating system).

Later I get a phone call...

TAA: The wind is blowing too hard to wash our cars. Can we come home and bake a cake? I promise we'll clean up the mess!

Don't you want to save that for Wifely Wednesday?


Monday, May 24, 2010

Bodies in the Bed

I recently read an article that asked, "Is it Smart to Sleep with Your Pets?" The conclusion the author came to seems to be "no".

While I agree with one commenter who stated that the article seemed like a not-so-thinly veiled advertisement for pet beds, I was somewhat surprised (and amused) at how offended about 95% of the commentators were.

Ok, and I admit, I was a little grossed out too.

We're not cat people, so I really don't have an informed opinion about that. We have 4 dogs, and they sleep in their own beds.

This is why:

1) We wash the dogs once a week. We clean their beds once a week. Even so, the amount of dirt and crap they track into the beds is not something I want to be rolling around in.

2) Hair/fur/hitchhikers. On the sheets, on the pillow, in my mouth. No. Absolutely no.

3) True story. A friend I knew in my younger days had this happen to her. While sleeping over at a boyfriend's house, they woke up in the night and decided to get frisky. With her on top. Sometime in the middle of all of it, she felt a cold nose up her crack, and then a long wet tongue.


Apparently boyfriend's Great Dane heard the commotion and innocently wanted to check out the fun and games. Which of course sent my friend screaming off into the night.


I don't want a third party in my bed, much less my room if we decide to be spontaneous. Yeck.

Here are some of the comments from the article and my response:

"Their unconditional love is worth every slobber and paw in the face."

I slobber enough on my own, and Hubby has been known to inadvertently slap me around in his sleep. Any additional "unconditional love" like that and I'll never get a wink in.

"No greater thing than to feel you dog next to you at night, petting her and finding your hubby's hand there as well."

I don't want anything between me and my man when we're finally alone together at night. Except maybe a pillow when he's been eating burritos.

"I'm with you, been sleeping with dogs and cats some 50 years and can't imagine sleeping alone. If a significant other can't deal with that then they are not very significant."

So you're "alone" when you're sleeping with your significant other? Would you feel less lonely if he slept in a squirrel suit or licked his own balls in bed?

"I will ask my husband to sleep in another room, but NOT my dogs or cats for that matter!"

The great Karmac sees a divorce lawyer in your future.

"I have eight cats and seven sleep with me on a queen sized bed."

They don't do it because they love you. They're just waiting for you to die in your sleep so they can eat you.

So my friends, do you furbie or not? Waiting for the rocks to be thrown! LOL

Friday, May 21, 2010


Hubby's mom passed away peacefully on Wednesday afternoon. They had just moved her from the hospital back to her apartment and had set up hospice care. Hubby was planning on spending the night (they had moved a hospital bed into her living room area).

He changed into his sweats, sat down next to her and took her hand. A couple of minutes later she slipped away.

I can't think of a more peaceful way to go---in your sleep with someone you love holding you to usher you out of this world.

Go gently into that good night, Mom P.

Monday, May 17, 2010

And the hits just keep coming...

I didn't want to disappear for another week without saying goodbye.

We got the news yesterday that Hubby's mom is dying and spent the day trying to get a last-minute flight to the east coast.

Thanks so much to all of you who commented, called and emailed about our guy. Your words are so kind and uplifting.

Hope you all have a peaceful week.


Thursday, May 06, 2010

Day 195 Update

Just wanted to fill everybody in on what's going on with my oldest son, Big Kid---a little more than 6 months after he was admitted to the hospital with complications from H1N1. You've all been so kind in comments and emails, so I wanted to update.

He's still on oxygen almost 20+ hours a day. When he's down at Kitty's house (about 2000 less in elevation than our house), he can go off of it for about an hour and a half tops with a saturation level of about 88---which is in the normal range for most of us. Then inexplicably it suddenly drops to like 68 or 70, which is low enough to be hospitalized. It's not gradual, it's just happens immediately.

A couple of times they've been out (and not planning ahead with the tank on hand) and he's just fallen over, gasping.

My boy.

We had him evaluated cognitively and neurologically recently. It was time----giving him time to recover and to see what the possible long-term damage from oxygen deprivation might be.

This morning we got the results.

His neurological diagnostician is one we've seen twice before. First when Big Kid was about 13, and had a psychotic episode on his stimulant meds that had treated his ADHD initially. It wasn't working anymore, and at puberty, he started compulsively washing his hands until they bled.

The next time was about 4 years ago when Big Kid had a breakdown away at college and was hallucinating. He was ultimately diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and a panic disorder.

So Big Kid went through an intensive neurological testing process again.

And I've been crying all afternoon.

He's got new pronounced attention and short-term memory deficits. His processing functions have significantly been impaired---meaning that whatever information he retains can be only be accessed with an extended amount of time to get to it.

His fine motor deficits are mostly caused by the loss of spatial recognition. He can't place 3 blocks on another without it all falling down.

Bless his heart.

While the doc was giving us his findings, my boy got really confused and scared. We were sitting next to each other on a loveseat in the doc's office and he grabbed me and said, "Mom, does this mean that I'm mentally retarded now?"

I'm sad. I'm so sad.

Big Kid remembers when his mental functions were better. He's frustrated by it all, and scared. Yes, scared.

The doc has made many recommendations as to testing (recommended a brain scan among other tests) and cognitive therapy.

So we're going to have to start a new phase now.

I'm sorry to be such a baby. I just need to get this despair out of my system.
I can't cry in front of him, I have to be strong. But I can spill it all to you guys.

My boy. My precious boy.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

No Angel or Keep Your Bones to Yourself

I just don't get it. I really don't get it.

The question came up when Tiger Woods' infidelities came to light. Now it's come up again and it's bugging the heck out of me.

First of all,
shame on you, David Boreanz. You're a real prince. Not. Coming clean in public about multiple affairs (and calling your girlfriend while your wife was giving birth is especially heinous in the halls of douchebaggery) to avoid being extorted doesn't mitigate what a dirtbag you are.

That said, here's what's been boggling my mind.

One woman, who Boreanz allegedly "hooked up with 2 or 3 times", started asking him for money. She hired Ho to the Ho's attorney Gloria Allred who contacted his attorney and demanded a 6 figure payout.

Oddly enough, Allred represents another one of Boreanz's alleged rolls in the hay in a similar case against Tiger Woods (Allred is representing several of Woods' alleged flings in monetary suits). Apparently Woods and Boreanz both rode this particular hobby horse (although not in the same room). ugh

What I want to know is under WHAT legal theory Allred is basing these claims on?

I could see it if one of these sisters was successful in her quest for celebrity seed and was filing a paternity suit for child support. Ugly, yes, but she'd have a legal claim to a piece of the pie.

But if it's money to keep quiet about the affairs, then isn't that blackmail or extortion? Which is illegal, of course.

Or if it's money for "services rendered", isn't that prostitution? Sleep with a celebrity and you're entitled to get paid? Again illegal, at least in 49 states.

Although she herself is a ho of the first order, I can't see Allred, as an officer of the court, demanding illegal settlements in cases that are so much in the public eye.

So what in the world is her legal theory regarding these claims?

Anybody know?